Expensive Quentin,
My boyfriend has a 20-year-old daughter in school. He pays for all of her school and sorority bills, which complete $3,000 a month. He pays for the automobile mortgage and insurance coverage for his ex-wife, who he claims is a poor instructor. His daughter typically calls him and lets him know she is out of cash.
I fear about what’s going to occur if we get extra severe and talk about dwelling collectively or getting married. His daughter is extraordinarily dependent upon him and his generosity. I concern she is spoiled and can anticipate him to proceed paying for all the pieces, even after she graduates from school.
What occurs if we marry? Are my worries justified?
Nervous in New Mexico
“Each couple ought to have a dialog about expectations and monetary objectives earlier than getting married, however they need to additionally make sure that they’re getting married for the correct causes.”
MarketWatch illustration
Expensive Nervous,
There are two very completely different points right here. His daughter will likely be his No. 1 precedence throughout her school years and past. It’s not a contest; it’s life. His revenue is his personal, and he’ll proceed to spend it as his head and coronary heart dictate. That’s his prerogative. Relationships don’t all the time finish with divorce, particularly when there are kids concerned. There’s an emotional bond that may final a lifetime, and a monetary relationship that continues above and past the divorce ruling.
So my message to you is buckle up: The faculty bills should not over but. Dad and mom’ revenue and financial savings fund the most important portion of school prices (40%), adopted by scholarships and grants (29%), in line with the 2023 report by student-lending big Sallie Mae on how America pays for school. The remaining school prices are lined by pupil borrowing (11%), pupil revenue and financial savings (10%), mother and father borrowing cash (8%) and family members and pals (2%).
You’ve been collectively a mere 5 months, so take the time to have a look at your emotions and response to his monetary relationship to his ex-wife and daughter. It’s very early days so that you can second-guess the financial ties between this man and his household. And truthful warning — his daughter may have her father’s assist and monetary assist after she leaves school: a down fee on her first post-college rental, for instance, or assist shopping for a automobile. Think twice earlier than interfering.
His spouse is his accountability if he believes she wants his assist. Secondary-school lecturers are paid a median of $62,860 per yr within the U.S., in line with the Bureau of Labor Statistics. I’ve mentioned it earlier than and I’ll say it once more: Academics have probably the most vital and aggravating jobs on the planet, and given the vital position they play within the lives of kids and their influence on college students’ lives lengthy after they’ve left college, they’re criminally underpaid.
“It’s too early to do a forensic accounting of your boyfriend’s household funds. It’s time, nonetheless, to ask your self why you want being with him, and why you’ll even take into account marriage 5 months right into a relationship. ”
The everyday instructor can afford to purchase simply 12% of the properties close to their college, down from 30% in 2019, in line with a report launched in August by the real-estate brokerage Redfin
RDFN,
They’ll afford to hire simply 27% of properties inside commuting distance of their college. (Academics, after all, should not the one ones who battle to get their foot on the property ladder: Housing in the USA prices about 5.3 instances the median wage, up from 2.3 instances within the Nineties.)
It’s too early to do a forensic accounting of your boyfriend’s household funds. It’s time, nonetheless, to ask your self why you want being with him, and why you’ll even take into account marriage 5 months right into a relationship. (I’ve a pal who says any dedicated relationship over a sure age is technically an engagement, however that’s not fully practical.) This ought to be the honeymoon section, not the time to really feel threatened by his ex-wife and daughter.
Right here’s a miserable statistic: Monetary safety is the No. 1 purpose for getting married (42%), in line with a latest Forbes Advisor survey, adopted by companionship (36%) and love (32%). It’s most likely no shock, subsequently, that lack of compatibility was the No. 1 purpose for brand spanking new {couples} to divorce, with 59% citing it as the explanation within the first yr of marriage. {Couples} additionally cited lack of household assist, lack of intimacy, an excessive amount of battle and monetary stress.
Each couple ought to have a dialog about expectations and monetary objectives earlier than getting married, however they need to additionally make sure that they’re getting married for the correct causes. Transparency is vital, and loyalty to his ex-wife and daughter bodes nicely for his character. In the event you come between him and his obligations to his daughter, and query his monetary dedication to her, chances are you’ll end up on the dropping aspect.
Readers write to me with all types of dilemmas.
By emailing your questions, you comply with have them printed anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., the writer of MarketWatch, you perceive and agree that we could use your story, or variations of it, in all media and platforms, together with by way of third events.
The Moneyist regrets he can not reply to questions individually.
Extra from Quentin Fottrell:
